No More Bitty

6 times my nipples have been bitten in the past 24 hrs. We are talking deliberate, hard, screech-inducing chomping.

One time, she bit and wouldn't let go. The only way I could get her off was to push her face into me so she had to let go so she could breathe. Yes, this sounds very smothering, a la Freud, but it's a technique recommended by my own Britt (my online La Leche League, Crunchy Momma). It worked. She let go. But she cried forever.

My nipples are still in recovery.

Fellas, let me tell you. Boobies are not all that they are cracked up to be. Yes, they can hypnotize men. They can soothe babies (even if you don't breastfeed...I remember going to sleep on my own mother's boobs and even felt sad when she had a breast reduction because I had come to know them as my "personal pillows"). But the pain! In puberty they hurt. When Auntie Flow visits, they hurt. When you are pregnant, they hurt. They are always being judged for how well they stand at attention or how much they don't. When you have big ones you want little ones. When you have little ones, you want big ones. Then you learn that out of all the cancers, the #3 killer for women, booby cancer is the one most likely to kill you.

Well sheesh. What good are these things?

I've fed my Nat for one good solid year (plus some) with 'em. So they have done some good. But, I would like to keep my nipples, so I think I'm ready to deprive her of eating from them...also, I can't get this image out of my head, which totally makes me want to stop breastfeeding....even though it cracks me up, it's just too close to home.

http://www.vidilife.com/index.cfm?f=media.play&vchrMediaProgramIDCryp=4F8B5CA1-F931-4ADA-9F01-2&action=search

Happy Homecoming Day, Natasha

This day last year is when we brought Natasha home. She slept most of the day, which worked out well since it enabled DH and me to pay endless amounts of attention to Adam.

I was fearful that he would react to her the same way he did when we were at the hospital, but he just loved her up as though he had been waiting his whole life to meet her. Still, she slept. Even through the kisses and his attempts to pick her up.

This last year has been a magnificent neon blur. Like a waving sparkler photographed on the fourth of July. It's hard to encapsulate all that has happened, but Natasha has started to bloom in the last month. She's gone from My Little Baby to the brink of toddlerhood. She's *this close* to walking. She signs "more", "drink", and "up" (also Adam's first signs). Tries to say "Desi" and "Adam" and says "Da da" and "ball" easily. The girl climbs things at 12 months that Adam has just started to climb. I call her my spider monkey because she's so swift and agile it's scary.

At her 12-month appt today our doc agreed that our recent decision to get tubes surgically placed in her ears was a good idea. She had actually lost a few pounds during her last ear infection (but she gained two pounds since and has finally broken 17 pounds!). We visited the ENT and her hearing is perfect, but after 7 rounds of antibiotics, we are ready for something else.

Here are a few recent pictures of my darling little girl.

Enjoying an apple:


With the cake that she HATED (still slow-going on solid foods):


Learning to walk:

This Time

This Time Last Year...

I was miserable. Fat. Unable to bend over to change Adam's diaper without grunting, sweating, and cursing silently.



Natasha was only a week and a few days from being born. Adam didn't know what to expect, except that someone named "Tasha" existed...sort of...

Spring is a funny thing in Minnesota. One week you think you are going to commit suicide or homicide if the snow won't go away. The next week you are busting at the seams because the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, your plants are blooming. You wake up after one long winter night and suddenly...

You have TWO beautiful children. A dog that, despite his insanity is the best dog for your family; a husband, despite his infatuation with expensive toys, is the best husband ever; a wonderful safe yard in a safe neighborhood you can all play in, a university with the best neuroscience program in the country that you can attend, and wonderful family just a call away.

Spring is here. I can bend over and tend to my garden without going into premature labor.

As the Cabella's shirt says, Life is Good.

Thanks for the Mammaries!

I have mentioned before that Adam was formula fed. Not by my choice. We had a very difficult start. Not only did it take 30 hours to extricate him from my body, but it was rather traumatic for the both of us. I was severely dehydrated and he was not a happy newborn. It just didn't work for us. We tried. For 3 good weeks, but eventually I gave in and fed him some formula (which he gobbled up at a pace that most 3 month-olds couldn't match).

So, I was humble in my aspirations to breastfeed Natasha. In fact, I had planned on just starting off formula feeding her, but decided to give breastfeeding a shot at the last minute. Her birth was a planned cesarian, so it was much easier by comparison (and the process lasted about a full day less than Adam's birth). I drank tons of water and prepared myself for weeks of hard work. But it was never really hard with her. She was just extremely patient and naturally knew what to do. This was my first piece of evidence that two babies from the same exact lineage could be so different.

I didn't plan on breastfeeding for 2 weeks or 2 months or even 6 months. I just decided to keep on going as long as it felt like the right thing to do and worked for us. And here we are 12 months later still going strong. This, I am afraid, is not by my own choosing. The benefits are really no longer with me (relaxation, weight loss - a joke for me!). Nutritionally, we are really almost at the point where breastmilk should be less important than solid foods. So weaning should be in our near future.

In truth, I have been trying to "gently" wean her for the last 6 months. But my Natasha is a girl who knows how to get what she wants. And what she wants is the booby. Or, "the boobies"...because I do have two. I am thrilled that it has been so easy for us. I mean, we had some tough moments right in the beginning, but compared to a lot of women, it has been a cakewalk. No thrush, no mastitis, not a lot of pain (except for when she decided to experiment using me as a teething ring once).

My only complaint is that she still loves to breastfeed SO much. Like, if I let her do it 24 hours a day and never gave her solid foods, she would be fine with it. At one year old and only 16 pounds, I am quite anxious for her to get on with solid foods. Breasteeding her doesn't bother me and it's very convenient when we are out and about. I don't have to pack along bottles or anything, but she will soon, sadly, be big enough where people will start to think she's too old. This is a hot debate and I don't care what your opinions on the subject of when a baby is too old to nurse might be. But it's getting to be that time for us.

Unfortunately, she has a radar for when I decide to wean her. The moment I say to myself "let's try to wean her" that's when she decides to want to nurse non-stop. She just got over yet another ear infection and cold and nursing was the only thing that would comfort her. What am I going to use when she is weaned?

At the rate we are going, I am going to have the only daughter in college still nursing...and the only son in college still not potty trained.

A Juicy One!

Spring is finally here! Yesterday was warm enough for me and the kids to get outside. We had a blast digging up the weeds out of my raised bed garden. Adam and Natasha ate lots of dirt (the most solid foods Natasha has eaten in the past week).

Adam found lots of worms. I told him "that's a juicy one, Adam!", so he kept referring to his favorite worm as "my juicy one".



Later he told me "I broke my juicy one in half"...poor worm.

I had to till the soil, but it turns out that it didn't involve a lot of effort on my part. I just had to let Adam loose in it. He is going to be a great gardener.



I am a novice gardener, so hopefully something will grow in my raised bed other than the 9 foot tall weeds that took over last summer.

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It was pointed out that at 1:02:03 today it will also be 04/05/06. I didn't think I would be awake to experience this firsthand. I should have known better.

Insomnia, I am afraid, is part of who I am. I never had an issue with it until my 20's. As a teen I had "hypersomnia", which is the ability to sleep for 12 hours or more and still not feel refreshed. I truly could have slept my life away then. I know that a lot of teenagers go through that stage, but mine was severe. I could fall asleep anywhere, too. I even fell asleep at a Nine Inch Nails concert.

My first experience with insomnia started about 6 years ago. It also occurred the first time I really experienced anxiety. The two things go hand in hand. I think I would experience the sleeplessness even without the anxiety, though. Motherhood would have been enough to do it to me. For instance, I was taking tonight "off" from childcare duties due to my sickness (a really bad cold that I think has progressed to a sinus infection and possibly bronchitis). I took some NyQuil in preparation for the blessed event. Two hours later I wake up. Here I am. Alert as can be! What normal human being experiences this? Possibly all mothers everywhere. Because, no later than 20 minutes of my waking up do I hear both kids crying.

Maybe they just knew I was up for them. Fortunately, DH got Natasha back to sleep. I covered Adam back up and he's resting again.

Speaking of mothers, I can assure you that mine is awake and will be checking this blog. In fact, she will probably check it at 4:00 am because she is a mother. And insomnia is a mother's disease. Even after your kids grow up, apparently, you still lay awake all night listening for them to need you.