If I had a hammer

I would end up hammering the crap out of the box new toys come in along with the toys contained within them because I CAN'T FOR THE LIFE OF ME GET A TOY OUT OF A BOX IN LESS THAN 37 HOURS!!!

AAAAHHHHH!!!!

When did they start making toys so damn difficult to get out of boxes? The Fisher Price Little People sets are by far the worst. Each little person is individually twist-tied to the box in at least two places. Then, to make sure that you don't get to the twist tie too easily, that is taped over. But of course, to get to the tape on the inside of the box, you have to remove the extra adhesive tape on the outside of the box, which is made out of a compound stronger than steel yet more malleable than rubber so that when you try to puncture it with your key or your fingernail, you never make any progress; you don't even damage the seal.

It would be less stressful, this toy-opening process if it didn't include an overly-excited toddler screaming impatiently "wussssat? wusssat?!? open! open! more, mommy open!". Then you have to run for the tool box and the toddler thinks you are abandoning him with his unopened toy, which is now just sitting there mocking you both. Of course, the hack saw, screwdriver, and blow torch you need to open the toy were not put back into the tool box from the last time you needed them and now you must search the entire house, garage, and shed for them. You try using your keys one more time, but this time you learn your lesson when the key slips off the box as you are stabbing it and into your leg. Now your toddler is just plain scared of you.

Sigh.

We went through this harrying ordeal again today when we came home from Wally World with a new tractor ("chakka") which pulls a wagon. Adam is obsessed with things towing other things these days. Ever since he saw us tow the boat and a camper, everything must tow something and I am inundated with requests to "hook it, mommy hook it" for things that won't hook to other things. So I knew we needed some more hooky things. He delightedly carried the box around in the shopping cart the entire shopping trip admiring the green, metallic beauty. And he was very patient when I told him we had to wait until we got home to open it. Of course, he had to hold the box in the car, and carry it to the house. I tried to open it as fast as I can, and I am getting faster now and outsmarting these complicated little contraptions. But man was I angry when I found out I actually had to get the screwdriver out to simply remove the tractor from the box. GRRR!

Someone please tell me when tools became a necessary part of opening a new toy? What happened to that blister packaging? Granted, you could never open it without tearing through 3 or 4 layers of flesh, but at least it only involved a knife, or lacking a knife, sheer will and pluck.

Life is so complicated. But a happy Adam is well worth it.